Homework Rant

Well, my bow tip is replaceable and it won't be too expensive. Also, Applebaum's will remove the scratch from the back of the violin. I'm very relieved. They gave me a replacement bow for a week (the bow rehairer doesn't get there till Wednesday) but it was caked with rosin. After a few measures I dusted the string and my finger came off white. There's an enormous amount of rosin on that bow... it sounded so scratchy and brash that I stopped practicing, heh.

I want to watch "Noises Off" the movie tonight. I came up with a cast list for next year, haha:
Dotty Otley: Lindsey (our best actress) or Risa (flamboyant and funny)
Lloyd Dallas: Ryan? I have a suspicion he'd be the best although he's not played a leading role before
Brooke (the one that wears underwear): Lindsey or Risa - whichever isn't Dotty
Garry: Sam - leading romantic man, I think Sam has the right stoicism
Belinda: I think Ruth might work for Belinda.
Frederick: Pax!
Poppy: I think Grace would make an awesome Poppy (the assistant stage manager in the play - perfect) but she might not want to? Wendy or Rozanna would be good but I think Rozanna might be too forceful for Poppy, she needs a more quirky character
Tim: ERIK! Erik would make an ideal Tim and the Stage Manager can walk around with his shirt off, right... I mean...
Selsdon: My Stroke Of Genius. ALEX. Selsdon is an old drunkard. What could be better?!? Unless Carl wanted to act, in which case... tough choice. Carl could probably play one of the other men too. I've never seen him act besides being a fairy but I have a feeling he's pretty good.

So. That leaves the following people who I think might want a role w/out a role: SCOTT (big nono, but I couldn't think of anywhere he'd fit), Charlotte Sanders (I wish there were more female parts...), and Rozanna. Also, I would like to be Dotty or Lloyd, not because they're the leading roles (less lines are better than more) but because I think I have some of the British sensibility, but oh well, we'll see- it hasn't been voted in, and I'm probably not directing, I'm just playing around.

I'm about to face the worst homework month of my life. People at symphony complain about AP and high school homework. Ha! I would give anything... I'm in two 400 level and a 300 level intensive writing classes this quarter and it's killing me.. I give every paper my highest level of analysis and thought and the professors are really demanding, this is not just undergrad college research papers, they are almost graduate level. Sometimes when I think about everything I have to do I feel myself about to cry and wonder whether it's worth it. Even if I start writing at the last minute I still feel I have to do a good job and push myself to the max... Because I'm the worst ever mix of procrastination, laziness - but still perfectionism. Every paper I write that comes back with glowing comments makes me wonder whether I can write the next one to the same standard, and when I fail, it's almost like, now that wasn't that bad, was it? I just want to have fun and relax and have a damn social life, but inevitably I'm in front of the computer screen at 1.30 am, typing away at another paper, slowly losing my interest in the subjects I was once passionate about because I'm forced to grind all these words out. It doesn't help that my mother constantly asks me, "What have you done today? Have you been productive? How's your paper going? Have you applied for this scholarship? And that scholarship? Well why not? And clean your room!" She wonders why I'm quiet and don't share with her. Who'd want to share with someone who gives you the third degree. Also too often I haven't done any work that day... and quickly I try to think of something to say that'll stave her off. My mother works twelve hour days, tirelessly, without an assistant, with her cellphone on all the time. Well, I'm not like that. I guess I'm wired differently, and I don't like being productive, I like talking online and sleeping and making pasta salad, but damnit, it doesn't stop my heart racing when she starts to question me!