I wrote a long email to people about coming to the TYS Concert. I hope it will all work out. I hope we'll do a good job. There are so many talented musicians in the orchestra (not me heh). It would be a shame if after all this work it comes off less than the excellent standard we are capable of. Especially the very first thing we play, the opening of the Tender Land, the bassoon solo is... iffy. And that might throw us off. Who knows, just so long as it's better than the Janacek, I guess. Tomorrow I'm doing a recital for my teacher, so I'll get really nervous, but anything is better than how I did last time. The piece is easy, it's a Polish country fiddler thing by Wieniawski. So it's less nerve wracking but if I collapse with nerves like last time it makes doing badly even worse... the feeling of being on stage, knowing everyone's watching you play, thinking "Can I make this shift? I wish I were dead..." is not exactly nice. AAAAH huge daddy longlegs/dragonfly/something bussying around the light... HATE INSECTS! Aaaah it's right above my head. go away go away.

Anyway I haven't cracked under the strain of hw yet after two major papers due one day after the other but I have another paper due Friday and one I have to finish before next Wednesday when we go to NY (AAAAH!! So excited). You idiot dragonfly, go out of the open window, dumbass. So no relaxing for me, then. I feel strangely at peace with everything that is going on. What will happen, will happen. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. What else can I do?

Phew, dragonfly gone. So Liz confronted Sinclaire about Ryan today (again), it was quite funny because Sinclaire is not overly sensitive and can, apparently, take it lightly. I agree with Liz about how gross Ryan is but it seemed awkward to say that. And I just now figured out why: because if you criticize the attractiveness level of someone's boyfriend isn't that similar to criticizing their own attractiveness? Because it is such a close relationship, and they've sought each other out for companionship and, yeah, "adult activity" (all together now: Ewww! Ryan!) but it's kind of like saying someone's mother is ugly, right? It's not you, but it reflects on you. Although Liz was saying that Sinclaire is too good for Ryan, which is different, but still... it's something about criticising the guy that she's intimate with that makes me uncomfortable, I haven't figured out what it is yet. However, objectively, Liz is totally right.

Also on the subject I found a hot guy in Israel class, I'd noticed him but not his looks before, but I did today all of a sudden. He is Jewish so I can marry him. Although we have not had a conversation yet. But, you know, these things take time. I can't tell my Nonna (grandmother) about him otherwise she will set us up. She has set me up with about five nice Jewish boys so far and grandmotherly approval sort of kills things, although she is awesome.